What Not To Wear to Westminster
The Bizarre Human Fashion Display at America's Premier Dog Show
The skill of presenting a dog at the show at NYC's Madison Square Garden often contrasts with many handlers' ability to assemble an outfit that compliments the team.
The Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show --that Mecca of dog shows-- takes place every February in Midtown Manhattan. Not only does it showcase some of the most impressive purebred dogs around, it practically presents a clinic on “what not to wear.”
Only if in prime condition will a dog rise to the highest echelons of competitive dog shows. Entry fees, travel expenses, and overall care often exceed $100,000. It easily costs much more if one hires a top professional to leap flea-like from airport to airport, from fairground to hotel ballroom before landing at Madison Square Garden for The Big Show. You could put a kid through a year or even two of a private college on what that can cost.
Does the AKC Handbook contain a regulation that requires handlers to wear clothing that is at least two sizes too small? One needn’t trade one’s own sense of aesthetics to present a show dog's assets, especially if he or she has come this far.
You see about 75% fashion no-no’s (and 25% yes-yes’s) on each of the show’s televised two-night Group and the Best in Show competitions. I do not refer to the stout, short-waisted, large-chested women who wear horizontal stripes or tops chopped mid-torso. Dog show fashion sins are of a different ilk.
BIG women can be beautiful-- provided they’re not shoved into "sausage casing," and the latest in underwear engineering can make visible panty lines vanish as quickly as a cockroaches will scurry out of sight the moment the light switch goes on.
Then there’s the sequin-and-sneaker-or- “sensible shoe” crisis. These are modern times. Comfortable shoes no longer have to resemble the squeaky orthopedic shoes that the overbearing mother of English teacher Albert Peterson wore in Bye-Bye Birdie.
My mother's erstwhile advice about how important it is to wear a well-fitted brassiere seems more relevant than ever! And a simple A-line dress (in the right size) is a flattering style for most women, and proper skirt lengths enhance certain human body types and leg shapes. A Midi-skirt that draws attention to the thickest part of a Sequoia-circumferenced calf doesn’t draw attention to the Basset Hound at the end of the lead.
For men, hemlines aren't usually an issue, but I suspect that it may just be a matter of time before some dude hits the scene sporting Pee Wee Herman-length pants or lederhosen while showing a German Shepherd Dog.
Perhaps due to the greater variety of women’s clothing compared to men’s, primary offenders tend to be female. While there are some men jogging around the ring with their dogs just shy of Siegfried & Roy, they are few. It's just another inherent inequity between the genders. Fewer opportunities for faux-pas.
Perhaps some business-savvy designers can come up with a line of dog-handling clothes with lots of pockets for the liver bait handler and dog often share fifty-fifty and sandwich themselves among the vendors that jam the confines of the venue.
Or maybe someone could provide pre-show consultation and ON-SITE tailoring and alteration service for exhibitors.
Expect the unexpected at this year, and you're bound to be surprised.
